Coming out

I have a slight addiction. No one knows of it, not even my husband. It grips me tight, pulls me in, and crushes me. My heart starts to race, tears well, my throat constricts.

How it started: I stumbled upon a website not so long ago written by a new mom. She had birthed twins. They came frighteningly early, and while hooked up to wires and tubes, she typed of her pain and her joy, and somehow touched me deeply. So deeply in fact that I started reading more blogs written by mothers of preemie's. Then I'd spot a link to a blog written by a mother of a baby fighting cancer, leukemia, congenital heart disease. The sad list goes on.

I read these mothers words, soak in their pain, and with tears usually streaming down my face I pray in my own way. I pray that their pain will miraculously disappear with the disease that grips their childs body. I pray that their lovely, sweet child feels less pain today, less the next, and wakes pain free someday soon.

I selfishly pray that it never happens to my family, and then realize no one is immune from this. These women cared for their growing bellies, nurtured their crying babies, fed, bathed, loved, held and sang lullabies to them just like I do to mine.

Once and awhile the anxiety and he terror leave me utterly wiped out. I hug my little ones a little tighter, give them a few more kisses than usual, and thank my lucky stars that we are all safe, warm, and healthy.

I have added a blog list on the left of a handful of blogs I follow that are pure inspirational. The mothers and fathers that write these blogs will leave you reeling with wonder and love and a strange sense of peacefulness; even in the face of tragedy, these parents emit a calm sense of direction. It may come as a surprise to some of you who know me, that most of these fellow bloggers are religious and depend on Gods love for much if not all of their salvation. A surprise to you because I am of course not religious at all. I consider myself spiritual, but the concept of God being The Almighty just doesn't cut it for me. I am not going to be saved any time in the near future, nor am I going to be struck down by lightening when I cross the street. I only brought this up because even though I can't get my knees dirty in the sense I can't pray to the Lord for these people, I can send my own thoughts and positive prayers to The Universe for expedient healing and peace.

I'll leave you now with my blessings, pictured below. I sure don't rely on someone elses misfortune to make me see the light, but it definitely brings LIFE into perspective.



M.O.